Lifestyle · My Rhema · Soul Food

Let’s Talk Marriage Gists | 3 Misunderstandings, Contrary to Popular Belief. 

This is my “let’s talk some serious business face”! 😂.

In different parts of the world, there are different expectations of husbands and wives. As explained previously in my post about perceptions and misconceptions, our beliefs as humans are shaped by our cultures, religions, race group, gender, socio economic status and nationality. I was born in Africa, have been in Africa all my 22 years of life, so the discussion to follow is based on an African perspective.

How gorgeous is this bride to be? I actually don’t know her 😂, but just loved her outfit shared by @fadsays. So, before anyone starts wondering, I’m no where near marriage ooo 😂. Please scratch that. Now that that’s cleared up, the next question is “Then who are you 22yr old something to be sharing about something you know nothing of?”. To that I will say, “I don’t know what it’s like but I try learn from those who do before I get there. We can never know too much and we can never learn enough. Whatever I share on any blog post are genuine lesson’s I’ve learnt. Why learn alone?” So let’s begin the gists!

On Submission

Often times we get the whole message of submission wrong, due to the “traditional” belief of what submission is. When you think of submission, automatically a negative connotation is attached – Less than, inferior, weak even slave. We think, why would I want to show weakness or appear weak? You think of a traditional African home, let’s say in a village, and you see a wife, kneeling before her husband, doing the most house wife things and treating her husband like a god. And so because of this African perception, modern wives want nothing to do with being submissive. But can I dare say we’ve been getting it all wrong? African culture is not the same as biblical submission.

Jackie Hill Perry is an American christian Poet/Spoken Word genius who shed much light on submission, during the Durban “Poet’s in Autumn” concert I attended.

 She explained that contrary to this belief, it is actually an honour to be biblically submissive. Just as Christ was submissive to the will of God so are women called to be submissive. If Christ was submissive to death on the cross then who are you to question what you are called to do, which he has already done

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything ” Ephesians 5:22‭-‬24 

Rev Funke Felix-Adejumo, in one of her teachings about marriage ( which I think everyone should watch – here) said “Don’t let the African culture make you get biblical submission wrong. Submission is not subjugation”. 

Philippians 2:5‭-‬8 “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and  coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the  point  of death, even the death of the cross”.

So you see, its an honour to be called to do what Jesus himself did. In an essence we’re being given a mighty responsibility. If Jesus was not submissive to death on the cross, would we even be here?

On Grooming

This is an all call to all slay queens! So, this is based on conversations I’ve had with my dad, uncles and cousins. Can I firstly say, my mom is my number 1 slay queen. During these conversations, what I gathered was that many women think when they get married, they’ve made it and no need to stress about their looks anymore. They stop taking care of themselves, don’t dress as smart, don’t put effort into grooming and so on and so forth. And this can become unattractive. Permit me to use @bettyirabor to inspire and challenge you to take care of yourself many years into marriage. She is an author and CEO of Genevieve magazine.

Can you guess how old she is? When I found out how old she was I was amazed and told myself I have no excuse not to put effort in grooming myself no matter how old I become, by God’s grace.

Yes, she is well to do and some would argue that she has the funds to care for herself, but that’s not the point. And some would say she has stylists and makeup artists, but again, that’s not the point.

The point is, despite her age and being married, she has not let that prevent her from taking care of herself. She’s 60. 

What’s your excuse? Take care of yourself the same way you did when you were single when you are married – even more. #NoteToSelf


On Vows

Something Rev Funke said about wedding vows got me thinking quite abit. I’ll try explain it like she said. People often say vows in the line of something like this I promise to love and honor you in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in gladness, in riches and in poverty … till death do us part”.

But what got me thinking was when she said words carry power, and what you speak especially on the grounds of a covenant is prophetic. So when you’re vowing in sickness and health, gladness and sorrow, that means you are expecting to see that, or opening opportunity for these things to happen. 

Genesis 1:3 “Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light”.

She explained that, God said it, and God saw it. So instead of saying what we do not want to see, we should say what we want to see. Something like this: and I quote ” I take you … to be my… in joy, in good health, in plenty, in gladness in progress and together we come against sickness, poverty and sorrow, till death do us part. Makes you think right? So here’s some soul food for thought. Whenever we think we know enough, that’s when we stop learning or even seeing things from different perspectives. 

If you enjoyed this post then here’s a similar one, about double standards women experience when it comes to marriage – Double standards for the Miss

💓 Joan. 


28 thoughts on “Let’s Talk Marriage Gists | 3 Misunderstandings, Contrary to Popular Belief. 

  1. Great post and I agree about the vows. Words do have power, and my church has long ignored and stopped using the “till death do us part ” and ” in sickness and in health “part.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! 💓. The vows right? All my life I’ve only been hearing the ” in sickness and health ” version so I really learnt something new and relevant too. Amazing how there’s always more to learn if we just listen or read 🙌

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post! You make a super important point about the difference between the world’s definition of submission and biblical submission. The wife is not “less than” in any way whatsoever. Strictly different roles. And you make a great point about Jesus’ submission.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Tim! Thanks so much! I myself wrestled with that worlds understanding, thinking I just don’t see myself being submissive, until I got this new understanding about what biblical submission actually is through understanding Jesus’ submission. Thank you!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I honestly love your blog, your posts are so refreshing and really make one think. I never thought about this vow thing until now and honestly It makes so much sense! Where does this ‘in sickness and in health, for better for worst’ come from? It’s not in the bible, is it? Custom vows look like a better option honestly. Nobody wants sickness, nobody wants hard times.
    Grooming is absolutely important too! I’m quite lazy right now though lol but God forbid that I slack off completely

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Amaka! Thanks so much 😊. Yay! I’m also so lazy right now 😂. But when the time comes the slay queen will arise oooo😂. This vow thing just makes sense foreal. If you have time do watch the full video on Marriage lessons from Rev Funke. It was really really good and I’d even watch it again.😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Loved this. Your hair like a crown BTW so stylish! When shall mine grow. These are great people here. Marriage is something the married and single alike should know about. Especially the singles! Thanks for sharing this.🌟🌟


    1. Thank youuu! I’ve made a mental note for the vows thing, when the appointed time arrives oooo🙌😁😁😁. Thank God for men and women of God who are influencing our generation in a good way😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hmmmmm…. I actually never knew that Betty was 60 years old. I think that is amazing that she takes care of herself so well. Could be that she just has good genes?? I hope to look like that or even younger and fresher when I am 60 years old. Great post in general!

    Liked by 1 person

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